'You Do You' January 2018
Its nearly the end of January and this New Year I’ve done something I’ve never done before, or at least not for the past 14 years. I’m not giving kindness a go, I did that last year and it turns out I’m really too kind and too apologetic (So British). I’m not paying it forward, I did that last year too all I ended up doing was finically paying for others and just ending up poor and wishing I hadn’t bothered… so this year is all about me and I don’t care how loud I shout about it. This year I am doing me!
I was kindly given a book by my sister in law called ‘You Do You’ by Sarah Knight and it awoke something inside me, I’d already learnt to ‘Not give a F**k ‘and ‘How to get my S**t together’ but now I had to learn to not give everything away too easily and say NO when I am going beyond what I can happily achieve in a day!
I have a thing where I give everything away, ask me anything and I’ll tell you how I did it, how you could do it or even worse (depending on how you view it) invite you to join me or I’ll do it for you (massive eye roll).
Inevitably every time this doesn’t work out because I assume people have morals and understand boundaries but they don’t. Humanity is innately selfish and I need to make sure I am putting my eggs in the right basket before jumping in the deep end. It’s a shame on one hand but on the other its good to understand sometimes its just self preservation.
There is a lot of NO coming out of my mouth at the moment and it feels amazing. I am consciously no longer being a people pleaser.
If you follow me on Instagram stories, you’ll know few weeks ago I was running late from the school run and attempting to get to my Popcycle gym class. My hubby was randomly working from home that day (you know that lovely surprise) and in my usual frame of mind I would stop what I had planned and become his PA for the day making a bacon sandwich and cups of coffee on demand… but as I stood in the kitchen already late for the gym class I accidently knocked over and smashed a china mug on the kitchen floor. The usual me would think ‘Oh FFS that’s it, I’ve got to clear this up now’
My hubby shouted out “babe are you ok”? and I said something I would never usually say
“Yeh I’m fine but I’ve smashed a mug on the kitchen floor, I’m going to the gym so you’ll have to sort it” (I’m still high fiving myself as I write this)
To some they may think this is standard procedure in a household but for me this was a rather huge deal.
I drove to the Gym class music on full blast, did the class, caught up with a friend over coffee, manged to do the food shop on the way home and then went back on the afternoon school run.
I wasn’t too sure what I was going to go home to, ‘mug or no mug’ but I was very pleasantly surprised that it had vanished. My hubby had cleared it up and instead of making a sarcastic dig at his efforts I just said, “Thank You, it meant I made my class today, I really appreciate it” and then I moved on with unpacking the shopping.
Moral of that story ‘Smash the Mug don’t be a Mug’.
So the gym situation, again something I haven’t done properly in 5 years as I get so fed up with it, so what I’ve joined isn’t actually a gym, it’s a ballroom for Bootie Barre and a Sound Proof Cellar with disco lights and a glitter ball for Spin set in the most stunning scenery just outside of Tunbridge Wells.
Popcycle was introduced to me by a friend and I literally cannot thank her enough. She has been on an incredible journey herself and was in a similar frame of mind to me this time last year, she has stuck at it with the help of Sarah and Jamie at Popcycle and now I find myself embracing exercise again, appreciating where I live on a whole new level and enjoying the things in life I’ve always loved and appreciated but had got forgotten along the way.
I’m doing everything I love and saying ‘NO’ the moment I feel like I’m getting overwhelmed or if something is a waste of my time and money.
I’m not running up to London at the drop of a hat, instead I’m embracing what’s on my doorstep and all the amazing friends, family and contacts I have but failed to spend enough time with last year.
I’ve unplugged from virtual reality and I’m only posting on Instagram when I feel like it. I don’t care how many followers I have anymore. My books are full and my life is fuller, I have some amazing people around me and most of the people I met via social media networking had only one thing on their mind, taking your following by linking up, taking contacts and elevating themselves via abusing vulnerable people, charities or issues. Its too transparent for me so I’m kind of-in, but only connecting with those with an actual cause. Not a cause for applause’ that will not raise awareness for (Z) charity but elevate their numbers and status, its almost like modern day fraud. I don’t know how these people sleep at night. And don’t get me started on buying followers, likes, pod and algorithm chat. I am done.
I’m burning all the expensive candles that I save for best, I’ve bought a fondue set after a massive dose of nostalgia after lunch at at the Dalloway Terrace in London over Christmas, a fondue party is in the diary!!
I’m focusing on what makes me really happy, what’s on my ‘Life’ to do list, not my ‘Daily’ to do list, making more effort to pick up the phone, book spa day, bunch, lunch or even a cup of coffee instead of slinging texts or thinking I’m keeping up with everyone via virtual reality.
I’ve realised that yes social media has its benefits but its also virtual, and although I am a very visual person I also need to be tactile and create real memories and connections with those behind the screen, the moment that takes over from the real people in my life and the real things I love to do its all out of balance and needs re-addressing.
One thing that won’t change is my love for what I do and the amazing women I get to work with. I am beyond grateful for the trust they have in me to help them on their own personal journey. No journey is the same and what I do is more than clothes and shopping it’s the start of a #youdoyou process and it can only start when you own it and start to do something about it.